Alignment, part 1

Day 115 this cycle, year 5 going into year 6

I am currently on day 1940 on MyFitnessPal. Where I started was 196 lbs in November 2018. As of last Saturday, I weighed at 138 lbs. I was not consistent at first. I would start and stop and start again. As stated in 2020 (in an earlier post years ago), I had to start because I could not walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded. I was also concerned that I would become diabetic and I do not want to be dependent on pharmaceutical medications.

I still log in my meals daily. The calories counting is the least of my concerns but I do like seeing my daily macros. Because I am 46, I make protein intake a priority. I also do calisthenics using hand weights and kettlebells and incorporate cardio workouts to get my heart rate up, focusing on zones 2 and 4. One thing that I need to improve on is my sleep routines. It is difficult as a single parent. It is not hard to get things done but it takes time, why my sleep is impacted.

I invested in a WHOOP device because like many of the apps I use, it helps me to better understand my health and routines. It really helps me to know how I am doing because I am actively monitoring myself. These apps, my daily routines and activities allow me to know what works and what does not work for me.

I am on Day 586 on WHOOP.

I share these stats on social media but not many actually take the time to read or make much meaning of them. No real curiosity. No real interaction. Words and or numbers and charts seem too much to process.

I do not post fitness updates to belittle anyone, I post to show that I am making progress, that I am keeping up with self care. My posts are to show that it can be done. I post to try and inspire others.

All that I have shared so far on this platform, my fragments, memories, and photos, they are all part of who I am and how I am the way that I am. I neglected myself long enough. I was a people pleaser and did not stand up for myself in the right ways. I know that I am misunderstood a great deal because I do not conform. I do not do what most people would do or what most would want me to do. I also know that I trigger people. It is not my intent but my authenticity is scary.

Fear and courage are one, they are the same.

On this path, this journey of authenticity, I chose me. I will continue to choose me and my sovereignty. If I am seen as a villain, so be it. What I reflect back can be scary. If one is not healed they will be triggered by their own wounds.

I am whole and complete.

I do not need anyone to tell me that I am beautiful. I know it in my soul to be true.

I do not need anyone to tell me that I am worthy. I know it in my soul to be true.

I do not need anyone to tell me that I am enough. I know it in my soul to be true.

I am not anyone’s princess. I am not anyone’s queen. I am me, divine and multi-dimensional.

On my way home from the trails this past weekend a weevil and a grasshopper appeared. The grasshopper was by my car in the parking lot. It jumped a few times as if to say hello, do you see me? Yes, I see you little guy but be careful, not everyone sees you. It might be a good idea to get out of the parking lot or you might get run over or stepped on.

The weevil was on my hand.

I put the weevil down by the grasshopper and thanked them for their interactions as signs from the universe. I am not alone and am currently co-creating with the universe through how I vibrate.

If you have read my Fragment posts, it may seem that I need to be medicated or that I need to seek psychiatric services. From all the of the trauma I experienced, it may seem so but I am actually doing better than most. It has been arduous but I have taken the time to strip away a lot. I have gone within, reached out to source and connected with peace and light through energy work. At first it was lonely but then I found gratitude in solitude. I became what I was looking for. Little by little, the universe and why I am here made more and more sense. I no longer fit where I was nor do I need any apologies or to apologize.

After moving away to start anew, I go back to visit where I used to live. I see friends and feel their energy. I note that things can be better for them as I listen to them.

Undergoing an awakening process requires time and energy, confronting and sorting, unlearning and relearning. And it is still on-going. It started back in 2010 but at that time I did not know what was going on. It started with a feeling of void, a void within that I could not pinpoint.

I have completed Reiki Master Level 3 in May, 2025. I was already a shamanic practitioner but I decided to also get certified for Shamanic healing in June, 2025.

I am a healer and I can guide. I can help. But while this is true, I cannot make the choices and do the healing for family and friends. They have to make the choices and seek the guidance.

I healed myself. I am an energy conduit.

I am not on any kind of medication for any physical ailments. I take Claritin for seasonal allergies but this is only when symptoms are heightened. Once in a while I may take a Tylenol but this is not a regular habit. I am also not seeing any kind of therapists. I did seek help in the past, a recent case when I relocated to the east coast and another time when I was still a university student, but they were both temporary and my therapists usually stated how well I progressed on my own.

If you have read this far, know that I honor your time and energy.

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*All photos are mine in this blog and in all my blog posts. Any music shared via YouTube belongs to the artist, I do not own rights to the music. Please respect and give credit to the artists where credit is due.